The Number One Hidden Cause of Infidelity in Marriage
Many of you will be familiar with the devastating effect infidelity in marriage can cause.
Studies report that the most important element in any relationship is trust which makes the sense of betrayal that may surface due to infidelity so easy to comprehend.
The emotional pain of infidelity in marriage is often experienced in the body in a similar way to physical pain. It has been recognised that this may be the reason adultery was once considered a crime and chargeable offence and still remains so in some countries. It is possible for the partner who has been cheated on to experience intense grief and low self-esteem. Infidelity in marriage can also often cause the victim to experience PTSD like symptoms such as disturbed sleep, rumination and hyper-vigilance.
One may wonder about the causes of infidelity in their marriage and try to reflect on the red flags they may have missed that led to the betrayal. Often there may have been events, incidents or a level of emotional disengagement between spouses that contributed to the infidelity. It is important to explore the possible cause of infidelity in order to process the betrayal and fully recover from it.
Unless your partner has problems with addiction, commitment or a substantial level of narcissistic traits then it is worth exploring some of the subtle signs that can lead to infidelity in marriage. You see emotional distrust may surface much earlier and be the initial cause of infidelity in the marriage. According to relationship guru Dr John Gottman, a couples likelihood to “turn away” rather that “turn towards” one another is one indication that there may be breaches of trust in the relationship. The most important trust questions we have for our spouse are; can I trust you to be honest with me?, can I trust you to be there for me when I’m upset?, can I trust you to choose me over your friends?, can I trust you to respect me?
Trust is built in very small moments and in any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner. One single moment is not that important, but if you’re consistently choosing to turn away, then trust erodes in a relationship very gradually and very slowly. When “turning away” happens, the story of your relationship begins to turn negative, an insidious cause of infidelity in marriage.
Infidelity in marriage is more likely when bids for connection are attempted but rejected. One may begin to focus on their partner’s flaws. One might forget about the characteristics and traits they admire and value about their partner. Negative comparisons may begin to be made and one may start to compare ones spouse to someone else, real or imagined. Infidelity in marriage is more likely if one starts to think they you can do better and then stops showing commitment to the relationship. They often begin to trash ones partner instead of cherish them. Resentment will inevitably build in the relationship due to emotional disconnection, a leading cause of infidelity.
The good news is the pain of infidelity can be healed if both partners are willing to work on it. If you want to process the causes of infidelity in your marriage this can be done in an efficient way through therapy so you can heal and move on much faster.
For couple counselling (face-to face or via Skype) please contact me on support@martinamagnery.com.au
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