If your relationship has continued to become toxic over time without any evidence of improvement, then it is time to start asking yourself some tough questions.
Are you constantly feeling physically and emotionally drained due to distressing events in the relationship? Have you tried couple therapy with several different therapists without any significant change? Does your partner continue to behave in ways that are unethical or not in alignment with your value system.
There are many reasons why someone may stay in a relationship that continues to make them unhappy. If the relationship continues to cause you unhappiness but you continue to stay, there may be limiting beliefs or needs that prevent you from breaking away. These reasons for staying may be moral, financial or merely due to an imbalanced perspective that prevents you from believing in yourself and wanting more out of life.
Financial
It cannot be denied that some people stay with their partner due to the financial security it brings them. In the case whereby the relationship continues to be toxic, one’s partner becomes an instrument for material gain. It would be worth exploring the limiting beliefs that keeps one stuck in such a relationship despite the physical and emotional pain. If you are finding it difficult to leave it might be worthwhile asking yourself if it is a case of not feeling smart enough or capable enough to make your own money or have the lifestyle you desire outside the relationship. Your limiting financial beliefs are keeping you trapped in a relationship that does not serve you.
Poor Self-Esteem
If you keep giving your partner second chances and they refuse or are incapable of change, then it may be worth pondering whether you have boundary issues. When we allow others to violate our boundaries, we tend to value the relationship more than we do ourselves. We are unable to protect ourselves when we have holes in our boundaries which causes more damage to our self-esteem. Are you too lenient when it comes to forgiving your partner for your non-negotiables? If so, you have a boundary issue.
Moral Reasoning
A sense of moral obligation is another reason people stay in unhappy relationships. They may stay because they believe it is the right thing to do for the children when the opposite may be true. Moral reasoning also makes it hard for those to leave a relationship when it signifies failure to them. If you worry about what others think you will worry about how you may be perceived if the relationship comes to an end. Fear of failure or obligation keeps you stuck in an unhappy relationship.
Fear
Some people stay in unhealthy relationships because they believe it is better to be in a relationship than no relationship at all. They are scared to be alone and instead continue to endure the relationship that is causing them harm. When you are scared to be alone, you may settle for the wrong person or be less choosy when it comes to picking a partner. You are distracting yourself from the prospect of knowing who you truly are and what you require in a partner.
If you stay in a toxic relationship because you fear being alone then you are hiding from your real self, the self you do not know yet.
If any of these reasons for staying in a toxic relationship ring true, then it would be worthwhile getting some individual therapy to help you shift into alignment. Contact me here to make an appointment.